[ad_1]
“Whatever we put our attention to will grow stronger in our life.” ~ Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
Where does your lens look?
When you look at your child, what do you see? Do you see the innocent sweetness he exuded as a little one? Do you see a grumbling, grumpy adolescent? Does your attention go to your child’s latest success or her recent mistakes? What we attend to with our kids becomes the reality that we see, cultivate, and nurture.
Of course the way we see our children stems from countless factors: the kind of day we’re having, the kind of day they’re having, hormones (theirs and ours), life stage, stressors operating on and around us; one day we look at life in a kind of happy vacuum, and the next day we may feel desperate, dragged down, and demoralized.
The way we choose to see our children affects more than our own state of mind; it can affect their self-concepts. And their self-concepts influence all the “classrooms” of their lives: the playground, the sports team, the tests they take, and the goals they make (or negate) for themselves. These classrooms help establish their sense of what is personally possible. We can all attest to the significant influence of an important adult on what we imagined as possible for our lives, growing up.
Seeing Strengths
The strengths-based perspective. In the past, psychological treatment protocols for families, adults, and children focused on pathology and deficits. But the strengths-based approach emphasizes assets, competencies, and abilities. There has been a substantive body of research conducted on strengths-building over the last 40 years through organizations like Gallup. Their research grew out of a movement to examine positive psychological/human potential. The Gallup Organization’s research on human performance targeted over 2 million people (globally) and set out to answer the question: could it be that the greatest gains in human development are based on investment in what people do best naturally? Their hypothesis was confirmed when they found that individuals gain more, building on their talents than when they make comparable efforts to improve their areas of weakness*.
Ask any school-aged child what his weaknesses are, and he is likely to have ready mental access to a list of deficits he has internalized about himself. But ask what his strengths are, and you may face an empty look coupled with a loud silence. In my experience, children and adults are reluctant to invoke their strengths when asked about them. Whether it’s lack of confidence, messages they’ve heard from their surroundings, or ignorance of what they do well, kids’ inability to identify and articulate their strengths is lamentable.
When children know their personal strengths, it not only helps them develop and grow, it empowers them to leverage their assets in learning new information, solving problems, and thinking in creative and innovate ways. I encourage all students to leverage their strengths in these self-promoting ways. Like using a muscle, the more a strength is exercised, the stronger and more integrated it becomes.
A strengths-based approach does not mean celebrating mediocrity, random praise for ordinary expectations met, or overlooking areas needing improvement. Child development experts will tell you that selective encouragement aimed at specific acts will benefit your child far greater than vague, constant reminders of his or her smartness or “greatness” as a person. This leads us to the importance of paying attention to the unique and outstanding gifts our kids possess individually. –Not showering praise superfluously. And as for weaknesses, it may be necessary to correct behavior that produces counter-productive outcomes. But how effective is our emphasis on them? Perhaps our focus has been myopic-focused primarily on deficits and remediation. I’m suggesting that we hone the focus: toward developing strengths and building on talents–while acknowledging, understanding, and managing weaknesses.
Kinds of Smart
What kinds of strength does your child possess? Howard Gardner, professor of education at Harvard University, developed a theory of multiple intelligences over 20 years ago which grew out of his observation that our schools focus primarily on linguistic and logical-mathematical intelligence. He posited that the conventional notion of intelligence, based mainly on I.Q. testing, was far too limited. Instead, Gardner proposed eight distinct intelligences to account for a broader range of human potential in kids and adults.
1. Linguistic intelligence (“word smart”)
2. Logical-mathematical intelligence (“number/reasoning smart”)
3. Spatial intelligence (“picture/space smart”)
4. Bodily-Kinesthetic intelligence (“body smart”)
5. Musical intelligence (“music smart”)
6. Interpersonal intelligence (“people smart”)
7. Intrapersonal intelligence (“self smart”)
8. Naturalist intelligence (“nature smart”)
Our educational system rewards those who are highly articulate or logical, but is slower to highlight the accomplishments of students gifted in other intelligences: the artists, musicians, naturalists, designers, dancers, innovators, and the like–who enrich our world. Unfortunately, countless children exhibiting these gifts get little reinforcement for them. Many of these kids end up lumped together with problematic learning or behavioral labels or simply dubbed “underachievers”, when their ways of thinking or learning go unaddressed in heavily linguistic or logical-based classrooms.
“Fine and good,” you say, “But what can I do about it?” One answer is to pay attention to your child’s unique strengths. If your focus has been mostly on deficits and “fixing,” stop to notice and appreciate what is going well in your child’s learning, behavior, and development. Instead of considering standardized tests results as an omniscient predictor of your child’s success, stop to consider what your child knows that the tests do not measure; view your child with a larger lens. Shifting toward a more strengths-based perspective can be easy.
Assets in Action
Try this:
o Make a list of your child’s best qualities-strengths, capacities, emerging abilities.
o Keep this list in your pocket or a place that’s easily accessible this week. Look for “proof” (or examples) of these assets in action, and write them down. Try to write down at least one example or proof for each trait. Some traits will have more than one instance.
o Notice aloud to your child instances of his or her strengths in action. You can also leave a post-it note on your child’s bedroom door, listing pluses you noticed during the week. For example:
o I noticed you taking the time to help your little sister with her jacket.
o I noticed you sitting down and starting your homework right after snack.
o I noticed you tackled a difficult math problem and didn’t give up when you were feeling stuck.
o I noticed you singing while you were getting dressed-what a voice you have!
o I noticed the way you negotiated a delicate situation with your friends. That took a lot of finesse.
o Share the list with a loved one who has regular contact with your child. Encourage that person to add to it.
o Continue expanding the list. You can even start a journal or notebook to give to your child when s/he is older.
You may find that you witness more of these strengths, or that they occur more frequently when you pay attention to and acknowledge them. Your mind may shift to noticing and nurturing your child’s abilities and emerging capacities (a.k.a. potential). This is a worthy and beneficial pursuit for both of you. In fact, I encourage you to make your own strengths-based list for yourself; noticing what we do well as parents and as people can empower us when we feel challenged or depleted.
Parting Thoughts
Imagine learning a new language at your current age. How easy do you think it would be? How about if you had a teacher who scowled at your every mistake…tried to teach you in a way that didn’t make sense…barked at your incorrect answers? Now picture a teacher who notices what you do well, provides tools to gently correct your errors, and teaches you in a way that complements your unique ways of thinking and learning. Our children are constantly learning new “languages” or scripts about who and how they can be in the world. We can choose what kind of teacher we want to be in that process. Leveraging and nurturing strengths expands the possibilities for us and our children. Let’s join together in building on kids’ strengths, to develop their greatest areas of potential.
*(see http://gmj.gallup.com/, the Gallup Organization’s website and online journal, for more information)
[ad_2]
Source by Allison Meyers
